4. life before

artists hype the fame
but still like to say they
miss their life before it.
still at that “life before”
phase, they tell me to
savor it, because i’ve
got some people who
expect me to give a
payment if i’m ever
famous, like i owe a
favor to any of them.

but even in the phase
i’m in, already started
to miss my life before
all this, look back and
miss the happy matt,
the kid who knew how
to smile through and
never show his pain.
beacon of positivity,
often wish you guys
got to know him then
instead of meeting me,
the cynical sad boy who
can’t control his emotions.

already going through
the motion where i miss
the old me, no one told
me but i know they feel
the same way, he never
felt alone or wondered
if he’d make it through,
kept on going, pushed
forward, no paranoia to
speak of for the happy
boy, but now he’s laying
in bed, self-hating, feels
so lazy, just can’t take it.

i wish i could go back.