3:30 am again, i can’t
find peace, it’s gonna
be another late sleep,
because dreams are
the only place that i
can retreat to as my
escape from the bad
luck of life, and even
though i know all the
moments i saw with
her were fake, i want
to go back to them so
i can pretend it’s okay.
even if i awake and it
makes me feel worse,
the temporary bits of
happiness i get from
them make me want
to go back. even got
to see another friend
that walked away, we
worked it out, spent a
day engaging in that
conversation i’d been
craving, amazing to be
in such a great space.
but so the story goes,
i only find joy in those
dreams, and when i’m
faced with real life, all
i have is my own self,
no friends to cry to, no
lover to cuddle with, no
success to speak of, i’m
stuck to telling people i
am doing fine when i’m
really not: i tell them i’m
great when i’m really just
alone, scared, tired, and
feeling like everything i do
is a mistake and everyone
hates me but won’t say it.
i just feel like i’m a loser.
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