5. started to wonder

and i think that’s
why i wanted to
leave, because
i had to ask if i
was making all
my readers tired
of hearing these
same sad things
on constant loop.
it’s how i feel, but
even if it’s real, i
had to ask myself
if it got repetitive.

i mean, how many
times can i write
about a crush that
will never share the
feeling before i get
told to just shut up?
she even told me she
reads those ones, and
i started to ask if i was
only on it because she
kept checking in and i
wanted to give her the
poems she’ll care for.

had to wonder if i
was cracking to the
pressure of others,
writing what i felt
but putting it out
because it’s what
somebody else had
wanted to hear, and
it made me look at
my work differently,
in a way much less
satisfied than i had
been when i started.

i couldn’t write for me.