8. letting me go

thinking that i’m
letting myself go,
just doesn’t feel
like i’m really fine,
was said that i’m
getting a belly, i’m
already not a fan
of my body, why’d
you tell me that?
don’t think it’s a
compliment, like
i’m getting fat, i
can’t find me any
body positivity, i
keep overthinking.

hair’s growing and
i hear some people
telling me that they
like my ‘stache, but
i question if i’m only
growing it because
it’s a sign of times,
i’m trying to be me,
find my individuality,
and this is my way of
carving my own lane,
even if it’s not clean.

my social skills are
fading because i’m
unable to feel myself
enough to want to be
around the people i’m
able to feel happy with.
feels like my creativity
is ditching me as i try
to write these words,
this is all going wrong,
i’m starting to feel sick
and i can’t take it, just
wanna feel better and
i want to love myself,
but it gets hard as life
tries to go against you.

i need to rest.