7. sir shakes

still remember when she
called me “sir shakes,”
she was just poking fun,
but it’s the truth, that’s
who i am, sir shakes.
feeling it more lately,
my paranoia grows
and my anxiety rises,
i’m trying to stay calm
but i’m shaking in fear
all day, every day, it’s
impossible to get rid of.

laying in bed at night,
my body starts shaking,
out of nowhere, here i’m
feeling worse than before,
and the lack of sleep’s got
me acting different, no one
notices but the headaches,
fatigue, it gets to me and i’m
not moving forward in the way
i’d like to, everything crumbles,
i’m begging for a break but they
don’t come so easily, do they?

and so, the shakes return
as another attack occurs,
bad days are piling up and
it’s really hard to stomach.
told myself that i could do it,
since i got past 2018, but now,
2019 begins to test me, and i’m
starting to wonder if i’m up for
the challenge, if i’ll crater or i’ll
make it out stronger than ever.
certainly not feeling stronger, i
just want to get rid of the pain.

am i crying for help?