took a minute
to process
and i went back
to the past,
remembered someone
that i shouldn’t have,
all the poems
i devoted to them
that i should’ve held
to the chest,
don’t deny my part
in any pain,
but i wish you did
the same,
accountability was never
your favorite game,
i’ve always been easy
to manipulate,
and i was wrapped
around your finger,
you were so filled
with hate
but why do i
so clearly remember
your warm embrace?
you never miss them,
you just miss
who you thought they were,
the fleeting moments
that you can’t repeat
since they went off,
blissful and ignorant
of the ways
they changed you,
how they’d break you
and make you
question everything
you thought you knew
about yourself,
throw your confidence
on the shelf,
light the gas
and watch the flame engulf,
i have every reason
to wish you the worst,
but i don’t.
i hope you’re treating him
better
than you treated me,
i hope you’ve grown up
and tried to be
a better person,
quit talking about
“that’s just who i am”
and own up
where you must,
you’re the reason
i find it harder to trust
and swore off love,
but i can’t live
with anger or disgust,
i hope that karma
taught you something
and you listened,
dropped all the pettiness,
projection and disses,
act a little less
dismissive
and learn to accept.
i’m still learning to forgive.
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