december 25th,
the most special time,
can you hear
the music?
can you feel
the joy
in the air?
it’s christmas day,
hooray!
i’m still depressed.
bury myself
in my work
to distract me
from the war
my conscience is fighting in,
maybe a minute
to forget
all the existential shit,
soon as midnight hit,
i couldn’t feel the spirit,
what good is it
when a holiday
has nothing special to give?
childlike joy
from the presents
no longer exists,
and the meaning
of it all
gets lost
when God’s not home,
so what’s even left
in this?
spend the day
home alone like kevin,
made ‘em disappear,
but unlike the movies,
there’s no happy ending,
say that blood
is thicker than water
just to trick you
and bleed you dry,
and all you’re good for
in their eyes
is gossip and lies.
they try to paint me
as the bad guy
even when i’m in the right,
ignore all the signs
and try to find
anyone but themselves
to take the blame,
take advantage of you
in your lowest mental states.
i’m just tryna make it
to new year’s day,
none of them see
the way
i’m fighting,
i’m tryna survive,
but my line of sight
is like every answer
they give
because i can’t
get ‘em straight.
how was i
so blinded before?
what did i do
to push through
the abuse?
what made me
so starry eyed
and oblivious
to it all before?
how was the boy
so positive
in that environment?
sometimes i wish
i could go back in time
and ask that kid
for advice,
how’d you put up
with the guy?
i doubt he’d have
sounded wise,
though i’m sure
it’d be real nice.
but i gotta stay
in this current time
and let ‘em run
with their stories,
i’ll give ‘em
something to write about,
make me the villain
in your superhero movie,
just remember
that this life
is really knives out,
and a twist
can come
at any moment.
so keep writing those scripts.
we’ll see
who the real villain is
in the end.
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