1. fragile

i’ve been told before
that i’m too sensitive.
my heart’s too fragile,
i’m hurt too easily, and
people are scared they
will hurt or change me.
i guess there are things
you don’t really outgrow,
and some things are just
harder to change for me.

i wish i could change
my overly-sensitive,
super-nervous state
sometimes, and i do
wish i could get rid of
my anxiety, but i can’t.
it just kinda sticks, and
even when i’m feeling
a little better than usual,
something pops up that
makes me think about
why i’m always anxious.

maybe it’s a memory
from when she cared,
or when i got to see him
and hold him in my arms.
maybe i get anxious now
because it’s 6:17 am and
i haven’t tried to sleep yet.
maybe i’m anxious that i’ll
wake up at 4 pm again and
waste yet another day of my
winter break in my pajamas.

or maybe i’m just anxious
because it’s how i’m made.
i’m just made to be a mess,
an easily-broken person who
finds myself too often hurting,
unable to handle it and fix my
problems on my own, instead
clinging on to all of my friends,
because i’m overly-dependent
and too often begging for them
to love me and give me attention.

i wish i could be different.