9. suicide

i’ve never really thought
about committing suicide —
or at least not since 2012 —
because not many people
know this about me,

but i have death anxiety,

so when i think about how

we all die one day,

i get shaky

and my heart just starts racing

really fast.

death is something
that scares me a lot,
and i know for sure
that i don’t want to
die or take my life,
but i do ask myself
how life would be

if i did end up dying.
i know that people
would be pretty sad,
and i don’t think

that life would just move on,
but i tend to wonder

how much it would affect others.

would my poems somehow
go viral and get lots of views?
would there be some plaque
at an old school of mine

that honored my life in some way?
would some money-hungry executive

find out about this poetry blog

and try to make money

off of what i wrote for free,

just out of passion?
hell, i have a poem or two

that i never released to the public.
would the exec scrounge

on my phone or laptop,

and find some way to release that stuff?

i guess you never
find out about it,
because you just
never know where
you end up

when you leave this all.
i just kinda hope
that i will end up
remembered

on this earth

when i have to leave.

hopefully it’s not soon.