3. good?

you know what’s
really difficult?
telling people how
i’m honestly feeling.
like, i’m too good at
saying “oh, i’m fine”
when people ask me
if i’m feeling okay, and
i tend to feel really bad,
because i worry that i’ll
get too clingy or annoying
if i tell them anything, so
i choose not to because i
don’t want to bother them.

i can’t tell you
how many times
i’ve been asked
if i was okay in
the past months,
only to respond
with “i’m okay”
because i was
scared i would
annoy people
with long text
paragraphs.
i tend to type
without even
realizing how
much i wrote,
and i always
have to say
sorry when
i send huge
messages.

but sometimes, it’s
hard to condense.
i try to make it short
but i under-explain
what i’m trying to
tell someone, and
it’s hard to fix it
without sending
huge walls of text.
so i can never find
that happy medium
length of explaining.

it’s kinda like how
i can’t even find a
middle-ground in
my personal mood:
sometimes, i’m just
too elated, and i’m
way too confident,
but the next minute,
i’m just so hopeless,
and i hate every little
thing about myself.
i hate myself just as
much as i love myself.

kinda weird, isn’t it?