6. her

you know, the other day,
i was thinking about her.
and i know it’s not, like,
healthy because she’s
off being happy with
somebody better, but
i miss what we were.
i miss talking to her,
seeing her around,
hearing her voice,
feeling like she did
care about me, and
it was hard to get it
out of my brain, too.

i wanted to pray that
everything would be
happy, and that God
would make it better,
but i remembered that
He and I no longer talk,
so prayer would just be
a pointless endeavor.

hey, if i were Him,
i wouldn’t wanna
talk to me, either.

anyway, i was just
thinking about her
because i had to
ask a question…
have you ever had
that one thing in life
that you just regret,
all the time? yeah,
that’s me with her.

i had the perfect
opportunity, but
i said “no” to her,
and i regret that
every. damn. day.
of my life. always.
not a single day
goes by where i
don’t ask myself,
“why didn’t i just
say ‘yes’ to her?”

and then i made it
worse by just being
my own, usual self -
which i think is toxic,
even though others
probably disagree -
and now i bet you
she doesn’t even
want to talk to me.
i could probably just
vanish from her life,
and she would shrug
and keep on moving.

it’s probably bad that
i keep thinking about
all of that, but i can’t
stop myself sometimes.
certain wounds don’t
heal as fast as others.
and this happens to be
one that won’t go away.
it really sucks, but i guess
that’s just life for ya, huh?

i just hope she’s happy.