2. "what happens"

yeah, real talk…
tryna make this album
confident and all, but i…
i got some regrets here…

yeah.

you ever make something
you love and hate all at once?
you ever look at a body of work,
and think about how great it is,
but think of all that it’s missing?
you ever wish that you had spent
just a little bit more time on it, and
gave it a little more polish and love?

if you’re an artist, i’m sure you have.

first half writing all these
crazy great poems about
shit i never spoke of before.
insomnia and paranoia, and
the people you said hello to
but never gave a goodbye.
i made my case for being
the poetry king before, but
second album, i was ready
to steal the crown for myself.
spent so much time on it, and
gave it all the love it deserved.

but then, i stopped.

phoned in the last half,
wrote ‘em all real quick,
and i’ve written a lot in
a little bit of time before,
but this shit was worse,
pushed through the end
while sitting in a classroom,
end of the semester, i was
shit out of luck, not sure
where i wanted to go next,
it was heat of the moment,
and i can’t believe that i
got a competent product
out of the whole thing.

felt like i spent more time
taking pictures of school
for the cover of the album
than i did trying to really
finish it off with a bang.
what should’ve been a
massive, gigantic project
looks like missed potential
when i think about it now.
and i made matters worse
when i said on the album
that i didn’t want my dog
to die, and then he did,
wasn’t a week after i
posted the album that
buddy was put down.

pretty shitty christmas break that was.

i wanna look back and
be proud of what i made,
every album should be
special in its own way,
but that’s the one that
haunts me to this day.
maybe one day i will
look at it and love it,
but that’s not today.
though it did teach
one valuable lesson:
if you’re gonna write
a lot in a short time,
make sure your work
is the best stuff ever.
it’s gonna take time
to really love that one.

real talk…
what happens, just…
thinking about it kinda
got me in my feelings…
like…shit, i jinxed myself
super hard on that one…
album still hurts today…

what happens.