dear everyone

dear mom,
i’m sorry that
i always look
like i’m sad or
mad at things,
and i’m sorry i
tell you “i’m fine”
when i’m really not.
i just don’t want
to make a big deal
out of my shit, and
get you involved.

dear dad,
i’m sorry that i
wrote that poem
dissing you before,
i didn’t release it
but i still read it,
heat of the moment,
had to let it out,
maybe i went too far,
and i know it can hurt.

dear brother,
i’m sorry that i’m
always an ass to you,
i know it’s what brothers
do to each other, but i
feel like i overstep and
don’t even realize it.
i get too harsh and i
end up hurting you,
physically and mentally.

dear best friends,
i’m sorry that i’m never
the one who texts first,
i’m sorry that i can’t
make exciting plans,
do exciting things, and
give you the love that
a best friend deserves.
i’m sorry that i always
talk down on myself when
you always pipe me up,
and i’m sorry i can’t just
take the damn compliment.

dear crush,
i’m sorry that i can’t
fall out of love with you,
and i’m sorry i’m not
the person you want.
i’m sorry that i can’t be
stronger and less wimpy,
i’m sorry i’m so stubborn,
i’m sorry i always find
ways to fuck things up,
and i’m sorry i couldn’t
just say “yes” when you
had feelings for me before.

dear people crushing on me,
i’m sorry that i always push
each of you guys away, and
i’m sorry that i get even more
awkward around you when
i don’t reciprocate feelings.
i’m sorry i can’t just ask for
a little bit of space from you
because i’m so worried that
i’ll hurt you and cause drama.

dear future wife/husband,
i’m sorry you’ll have to deal
with this emotional mess for
every single day of your life.
i’m sorry i’ll drive you away,
make you want someone that’s
more capable of keeping shit
together for more than a week,
i’m sorry i’ll end up so clingy
that you’ll get uncomfortable
and tell me to go fuck myself.

dear everyone,
i’m sorry you see me here,
saying words of self-loathing
over and over and over again,
and i’m sorry i don’t try to
just fix my damn problems
instead of writing them down.
i’m sorry that i can’t drop
another project where i just
brag about the great things
and forget about the sad things,
and i’m sorry that i tire you
with my repetitious themes.

dear me,
i’m sorry that we’re
back in this hole again.