it’s great to see you again. it’s very rare that we get to talk like this on here, but i thought this would be something a few of you would be interested in. think of this as another "postface" of sorts.
the EP trilogy is complete. i’m so grateful for everyone who has checked it out and offered their support and feedback. life threw me for several curves and offered up a lot of pain along the way, but i’m glad i was able to have this outlet as a way to cope. this trilogy gave me a way to work through my hurt, and i hope it’s given you comfort.
while i was finishing up the final entry, “an EP about growing up,” i pondered doing something like this. my projects are obviously very inspired by music, hence why i refer to my releases as “albums,” “mini-albums,” “EPs” and the like. however, while i’ve released many projects in a very close vicinity, this is the first time i released a series of projects that had some kind of relation to one another.
thus, i thought…why not create some kind of special album art that would be used in a proverbial “compilation re-issue” of the poems that would include all of them together?
thus, “trilogy” was born:
naturally, i was very inspired by the weeknd’s “trilogy” of mixtapes, which he released separately before putting them together into one larger project. it just seemed like a nice way to answer the question in my mind of “what would it look like if all three of these were released together?” thus, i offer this up as the hypothetical album art for what would be a comprehensive package of the three EPs.
it’s not much, but this seemed like a nice way to close the door on the “trilogy” era.
as an added bonus, i thought i’d take this time to offer some “behind the scenes” on the poems in this series. i usually don’t do this, as i like to let the words speak for themselves, but i thought it would be rather fitting. so let’s go in order of all the projects and poems and discuss them:
“an EP about losing friends”:
1. alone in an open zone - this kickoff to “an EP about losing friends” was actually inspired by real events. without giving too much away, i based it on an experience where i was supposed to hang out with some friends, but was not able to for certain reasons. we were going to hang out at an arcade in a mall, but as it would turn out, i was unable to be with my friends in the arcade. instead, i hung around in the mall by myself and wrote out this poem based on my observations and feelings of inferiority in the friend group. sad as the night was, it was interesting getting to write out a poem in a public space. i’d honestly like to do it more often if i could.
2. cold - this poem serves as a continuation of the last one, and it’s the only poem in the “trilogy” that requires another poem to contextualize it. at this point, the mall is closing, and i’m heading home by myself, overwhelmed with a wave of emotion. it was a november night, and thus, it was extremely cold. i wanted to try to bring together everything i felt and went through on that trip home, expounding on the feelings of worthlessness from the first poem.
3. through the grapevine - moving in a slightly different direction, this one discussed thoughts and feelings i had during a particular falling out among several people in the friend group. i didn’t want to get overly specific, as naturally, i wanted to protect the identities and character of my friends. i simply wanted to write something that embodied what it felt like to watch friendships die in a situation you didn’t have control over. the situations involved here were meant to be kept private to only the involved parties, but eventually, everyone in the group had to witness the drama firsthand. as someone who hates seeing friends fight, it was an overwhelming, emotional situation that i wish i hadn’t witnessed, and i wrote this as a way of almost bargaining and wishing that things hadn’t ended the way they did.
“an EP about death”:
4. tears that i never cried - with “an EP about death,” i wanted to move in a more story-driven direction than the other, more personal EPs. earlier in the year, a close friend of mine lost a family member, and it had an impact on me because i’ve known this friend (and their family member) for over a decade. i couldn’t imagine what it must’ve been like in their shoes during that period, but i wanted to try. thus, i created a story about someone who lost their mom, but had to try to continue living through it. if you notice, this poem in particular is written almost like a rap song. i’ve done this several times before, and it felt extra fitting here for the sake of the story. the lead character lost their mom, never got to say a proper goodbye, and certain obligations stopped them from really getting to be with their mom for many of those final days. thus, they took out their frustration in the form of a song.
5. my last goodbyes - here, our lead character actually gets to see their mom. they are offered one opportunity to have a private moment before the casket is taken away. the big thing i wanted to discuss and convey here was the “not really gone” feeling one can get in a situation like this. i also based that feeling on real experiences: i attended the funeral of my aforementioned friend’s family member, and i distinctly remember walking up to the open casket and thinking “it really doesn’t even feel like you’re dead.” it felt almost spooky to me, because i thought they were merely sleeping, and i expected them to get up at any moment. it’s a minor detail in this poem, but it was something i really wanted to zero in on.
6. one more conversation - with the final poem, i wanted to get into the feeling of bargaining one can go through when grieving. in the main character’s case, they’re directionless, they’re at wit’s end, they’re scared they might not have a home anymore, and it’s because they no longer have their mom to help push them in the right direction. very subtly, i wanted to create the feeling that the main character’s mother passed while they were still a rather young age (think early 20s, maybe even a tiny bit younger). thus, they’ve only barely become an adult and are still trying to make heads or tails of a world that constantly kicks them while they’re down. without mom, they don’t have any idea where they’re gonna be. i think that’s a feeling several people can relate to.
“an EP about growing up”:
7. tired of life - heading into “an EP about growing up,” i knew i wanted to move right back into the personal direction that i had gone in with the first EP. here, i wanted to just go back into “classic matt” mode and just let all my pain spill onto the page. i really wanted to go through the idea of how, even after finally adopting a healthier mindset that improved my mental health exponentially, 2023 has kicked me so hard to where i’m right back where i started. all the improvements made in 2022 felt meaningless because i feel as though life has tried to screw me more times than not this year. this EP was also largely written at a time when i had been inside the house alone for over a month, and i felt as though i was going slightly mad, which i wanted to communicate as well.
8. don’t be famous - this is an idea i’ve tackled before in poetry, but as the title suggested, it’s a discussion on what fame can do to someone. for much of my youth, i would tell myself that i wanted to be famous, not realizing just how harmful it would be if my wish actually came true. it also helps that i knew people personally who had achieved some level of “fame,” and it felt at times like it had changed them for the worse. it also happened that this poem was a rare confidence burst in a set of poetry that was largely sad.
9. one of the lucky ones - i hadn’t really thought i’d write many more poems about love. back in 2018-2019, i wrote a lot of those, as i thought i had fallen in love at the time. a negative experience made it so that i largely rejected the idea of falling for someone. from that experience, i became able to enjoy my own presence more, but equally, i would often try to suppress any feelings of “love” that i had out of fear of getting hurt again. between these things, i never thought i’d fall for someone again, but…yeah, you know the rest. i was swept off my feet, and i wanted to discuss that, as well as some roadblocks in play related to those feelings.
10. 2023 (bonus track) - this was a poem that i had written literally the day before releasing “an EP about growing up.” i had initially debated between throwing it on the EP, or releasing it as a single later on. ultimately, it felt fitting to add it to the EP as a “bonus track.” essentially, it just serves as the wrap-up to everything i discussed in the “trilogy.” it was a way for me to tie everything together in one neat and concise way. much of my debate stemmed from whether its standing as essentially an “epilogue” would be justification for releasing it as a post-EP single. instead, it felt like a nice way to close the door on the era. also, someone very important to me considered this one of the best poems on the EP, which makes me even more glad that i included it.
from the era:
11. false prophets - now, this poem is not necessarily part of any EP in the trilogy. however, it was the only standalone single that i released during the “trilogy” era, and as a result, i felt it would’ve been worth including in a potential compilation. this was another moment where it felt like i was turning back to “classic matt” and discussing fame and the industry. i wrote this right before finishing up the final EP, and i figured it seemed best as a hype single of sorts; it might not necessarily fit the EP’s idea of “growing up,” but it does tackle a few themes that i discuss on the project.
wow, did i have a lot to say. i don’t get to discuss these poems with many people, so any chance i get to talk about them is great. once more, i will say a massive thank you to everyone who has read these EPs and supported them in any way possible. this summer was one of ups and downs, but i’m glad i was able to complete these projects along the way. i feel a break might be in order, but don’t worry; as long as i’m breathing, and as long as i have something to write about, poetry will always be in my back pocket.
